I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
