Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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