my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
kristin has been a bad kristin
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
