Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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