No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
