she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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