I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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