the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Boobs speak an international language.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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