At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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