I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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