never play flip cup with pint glasses
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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