He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I could fuck to npr.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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