I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
