Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
