Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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