I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
