dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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