just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
