No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
