How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
