I wish I only lived at night.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
