i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
