I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
