Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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