I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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