he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
