i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
