New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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