sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
