$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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