I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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