So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
