We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
