so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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