Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
