good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
