I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
