A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
