Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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