You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
