i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
