ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
