You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
