i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
