I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
