We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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