Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
