She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
