Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
