pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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