i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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