Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
