After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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