Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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