he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
