there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how drunk are you?
Several
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
