If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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