someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
