Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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