He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
