Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
