Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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