yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
