It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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