your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
